Wednesday, 15 April 2009

Primal and Dating?

Not that I'm anywhere near being ready to date again yet, but I freely admit that with a break up comes some old fears. My former SO was really, really supportive of the way I chose to eat. But not every former SO has been that way.

I've been called controlling, anal, unable to relax. After all, why can't I just chill and have a couple slices of pizza? Why do I have to insist on ordering a salad with chicken? Why can't I just not record what I've eaten for a few days? Don't I realize I look disorderd? etc. etc.

To be clear: if I was really lusting for a slice of pizza, I would have it and move on. I'm talking about the situations where I really don't want to eat something I see as lower quality or as otherwise unappealing.

And while I have no problem being open with my friends, in a more intimate context I feel very sensitive about being judged. I'm not sure why. I know the feeling is irrational, and that someone who likes me will like me for all of me. But I can't help it.

When I cook for people I date, I NEVER weigh my food in front of them. I don't discuss my eating philosophies or talk about how I use my CRON-O-Meter. I joke with my friends that I am saving the "crazy" for later.

There seems to be sliding scale of socially acceptable eating habits. For example, being a vegetarian is fine, but vegans are nuts. Weight Watchers is a-Ok, but raw foodists are total weirdos. Hell, everyone is on South Beach, but breathe a word of Atkins and you're a bacon snarfing freak.

And rightly or wrongly, I feel like CR and Primal eating are both solidly in the unacceptable category. I would really love to find a way to screen for guys who were into Primal eating. Sadly, in my personal experience, most guys in good shape either 1) don't care what the hell they eat because they've never had to, or 2) are solidly in a nutritional camp I don't identify with, like the school of carrying tupperware protein everywhere for feedings every three hours. If anyone has any suggestions, let me know.

Hmmm. All of the sudden I appreciate the companionship of my cat so much more. He never cares what I eat so long as I feed him too.


Marc said...

Why would someone that falls in love with you, not respect how you like to eat?
It's obviously a lot easier if you're on the same eating page.....but I don't think you should exclude "prospects" ;-) just because they eat differently.


Anonymous said...

Health can be a really touchy subjects in romantic relationships, probably because there's so many conflicting views on the matter. I think it's good to let people know your views by slowly explaining your opinion on the matter as time goes on... sounds like you've got a good handle on the situation though. And maybe once you start explaining your point of view, they'll appreciate it and even try it out!

- Sagan

MrsEvilGenius said...

Ahh, dating is hard enough as it is wh/out diet thrown into the mix!

I agree that you should get your diet uniqueness out in the open asap when dating. No point in growing to like a bloke then having him throw a wobbly over your eating habits.

I highly recommend hanging out in forums/newsgroups/etc and getting to know someone online.

After a horrible 1st marriage (where I tried to change myself to match his worthless arse) I found my 'keeper' husband on eXite personals. We both had an identical laundry list of weird and geeky traits. We matched in our oddity, LOL.

We just celebrated our 8th anniversary and have 5 kids. :D

And, no he doesn't care how I eat so long as I don;t try to make HIM eat that way too. ;)

LivingPrimal said...

Sorry to hear about your breakup, they always suck, even if they are for the best. I am in the same boat as you, and am also wondering....why is the way we eat considered "weird"? My ex SO was fairly accepting, but we still went out for pizza and bar food alot. Mostly my fault, as I was more than willing to go along. And when we ate at home, it was all meat and veggies :) The next time, I will be more "strict" about my eating theories, and not give into the french fries as much! Keep your chin up....this too will pass!

Anonymous said...

How about getting such fabulous results with this way of eating that people ask you, wow, how do you look so GOOD?! How are you that FIT? Then you can tell them. Who's crazy now? Have fun with it! You could always start or maybe there are primal / paleo retreats, good way to meet others even if its just friends. Keep on keeping on!

GiGi said...

Oh man do I know how you feel! I am a "psycho" when it comes to eating and get made of constantly... but I really don't care ONE BIT! Every 1st date I go on I ALWAYS tell them that I am a picky eater and ALWAYS modify my food selections at restaurants... so they can either deal or leave - I don't get attached to people all that easily so I really don't get hurt! Ha Ha! No one has ever gotten up and left me though so I think some of my other traits may over power - thankfully...
Any ways - good luck, be proud of how you eat - no need to hide it - after all if you ever find "the one" then you're going to have to let him in on your food habits!

Erin said...

Maybe I'm idealistic, but I always have a glimmer of hope that if all of us healthy eaters stop apologizing for our eating habits (not saying you do, but I always feel I need an excuse/justification to eat a salad instead of pasta...), someday we'll be the norm :)

God said...

i'm paleo now but before that i was vegan, and man, i've always been a huge dater. let me tell you. just do your "crazy" thing like it's perfectly normal and the people you are dating will fall in love with you for it. i'm serious. if you can pull off making your neurotic shit look cool, that is like the best thing you can do on a date. guys love it when you dont care what they think.

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